I was born in the great state of Virginia in 1935. I grew up on a cotton field with a bunch of ungreatful slaves. At the age of 17, I was kicked out of Virginia because my rich and powerful father decided i was too reckless and unpredictable, what with my constant practicing of voodoo and all. So I travelled to india, where I somehow got forced into an arranged marriage. The marriage lasted for two weeks, after which we were merely separated. The separation lasted for 5 years, and this time was spent trying to get a divorce. In the end, I faked my own death and fled from India on a boat of exotic goods such as silk and a number of flavorsome spices. The boat sailed to Egypt, where I disguised myself as an archeologist. After 6 months in Egypt, an incident involving some kind of truth-syrrum led to my real identity being revealed. From this, the Egyptian government decided I was a Russian spy, and they hence deported me to Russia. What with the soviet union and all, my presence was most unwanted in Russia, so I was kept in a maximum security prison under solitary confinement for almost a year while they figured out what to do with me. When they finally released me, they send me to England. This was mainly because so much time in solitary confinement caused me to create a number multiple personalities. When I was released, I had to force myself to intigrate them. Integrating multiple personalities takes years of psychiatry, which I did not have, hence I simply picked my favourite, and managed to ignore the rest. So, it turned out that my favourite one had a strong English accent, which is why they decided to send me to England. They also despised the Brittish, and wanted to be rid of me once and for all. In England, I met a charming young fellow named Marcus De Sousa. De Sousa was the proud inventor of the time machine, and I saw him as my way out. After befriending him, he allowed me to travel forward in time to year 2003, when I discovered the Sugababes, joined this forum, and after became a moderator. Marcus De Sousa's existance is not known today, for he stupidly went back in time before he was born, hence before the time machine was ever built, so neither he or it ever existed. the end